Just Writing what I was supposed to...

"April 18th or 19th?
No matter...

I still don't know what's goin' on inside og me. It seems like I don't belong to this world. I'd like to feel satisfied as the people do.
I was in a party this night. That wasn't enough for me. People in lack of love, attentions and affection trying to make out.
Sometimes I wonder to myself what is the meaning of Happiness. Not Happiness by fact, but what could make me happy. Happiness is a state og mind. And how can I achieve that?
I'm lack of a person. Of a special one, who can make my world turn a little around.
Deceptions make part of this game - or life's dance - and we had to deal with that. HOW????
---- x ----
I left of being a rough person to become more sensitive to this world. WHY??
Maybe is to test all my "knowleadge" acquired in theory. So many ones came to me asking for help and I've helped them as I could. I've haven't faced all of those situations before. It doesn't matter
---- x ----
What I think at this moment is to face all the coming moments and take them as inspiration for me living the world. I just don't know what is supposed to me. Or I need to change myself and become more rude about love - Don't believe so much in Fairy Tales - and face things as reallity (what reallity) shows you. Or, you oughtta remain in this pathway and you'll see how hard is it 'fore you reach the end.
---- x ----
I just wanna hear my heart's voice. What are you telling me. what should I do?
Be honest to myselg and others too? Is this the meaning of being weak? I don't think so. I must be bolder. There's no way. Time is now ! (And I thank you so much!) - For Ever'thin' has been done for me.
---- x ----
I'm feeling sad. I won't have sorrows within me, and my heart. This is not what I mean to be.
---- x ----
To be hurt is a fact, but we should know what to do with this suffering.
---- x ----
- FUCK IT OFF!!!
- What were you doing?
- I knew! This is too abvious, what else could I wait from you?
- I don't mean to do a R.A. as we are nothing but buddies, aren't we?
---- x ----
Maybe I really felt involved to him; to his way to me. That was really pleaseant.
I just had to be more clever and know - at least in the begining - he wouldn't change because of me. It was blindness and selfish from my side.
He told me what and who he is. He was true to me. I gotta a deception 'cos I've dared he really would act like that to me.
---- x ----
He just doesn't care.
Why has he lied to me asking me if i'd be sad or mad if we wouldn't stay or get back with us? He just doens't mind what would be my answer.
And I think, would it be better if he's just said he was goin' to remain and just went out decidely?
No, anyway. I'd be sad, mad; 'cos I'd like him to stay with me, I'd like to see us together. To see him mine, even for a one night stand.
I'd be in love, there's no doubt.
As I also wouldn't know what to do, certainly.
---- x ----
Over all the things, I had to tell the truth.
Be true to myself and with other is the thing to do. It worths the one you are and increase your relationships with people. Even if they don't realise it.

It's all for the night.
Thank you once again. "